Keeping in mind that I'm actually a Rilo Kiley fan, here's my preliminary list for the five most cringe-inducing lines from their new album, Under the Blacklight:
5. "Smoke Detector"
I took a man back to my room;
I was smoking him in bed.
Yeah, I was smoking in bed.
This is what he said.
Honestly, I probably only included this out of jealousy. Fucking Jonathan Rice, you Michael Pitt-looking son of a bitch.
4. "Give a Little Love"
Ooh / It's like a battlefield inside.
Is this an intentional nod to Pat Benatar? Discuss.
3. "The Angels Hung Around"
I been whored and I been gored,
I been less and I been more.
2. "Close Call"
She was born on a brightened pier
to a gypsy mother and a bucket of tears.
I guess it'd be too obvious to point out how Colin Meloy Lite this is, but seriously you guys.
ALL OF IT, though here are some highlights:
She was bruised like a cherry, ripe as a peach.
How could he have known that she was only 15?
Our skin is like grass.
Let's smoke it real fast.
He was deep like a graveyard, wide like TV (?)
And how could he have known that she was down for almost anything?
This song may be the first of its kind, which is to say that it's the first satirical cautionary tale about meeting people on MySpace that I've ever heard. Here's to hoping that it's also the last, cause it really doesn't work on any level. It just kind of sounds like a really cheerful song about statutory rape.
In other news, Doritos X-13D chips taste exactly like a McDonalds cheeseburger (pickles included), and I'm not the only person who feels that way.